So more broken stuff. It’s not the end of summer so the trend must continue. Wonder if it will end in the fall? A couple of weeks ago I returned from rafting to find that someone had taken the front of my rav out with their RV. Luckily left a note. Have enjoyed driving around in a full size silverado. They can take as long as they want to fix it because the truck rocks.

First day of school kicked off. Went well, but I was exhausted at the end. Tonight had a nice finale to it when I went to pick up pictures and one of my former sixth grade students was working there. Pretty cool chatting. Instead of that teacher student interaction it’s now adult to adult. Just neat finding out what some of these kids are up to.

So yeah I fifth wheel a lot and of late it has been 7 wheeling it. the core group of friends I hang with are couples. It’s nice when your out at a restaurant and the waiter can point out who is the solo ticket. Yep that’s me. Rock on. Looking at the positive though I know they are aware of it and they are really good about it. Plus they are protective and care. Kind of nice knowing.

Today was returning from a bike ride and came to the conclusion that at 36 I finally have my crap together. I’m a slow learner and was always a late bloomer so sometimes it takes a bit to get there. My friends don’t think I should give up on the girl thing and give it time to see what transpires in the future. I was going back and forth on thinking the same thing. I have always tried to analyze and figure things like this out and also illicit the advice of friends. Realized today that the best thing to do is drop it. I think with maturity and learning over the years I know that I just need to walk away. In that I mean I shouldn’t try to figure it all out, or try to impact it. I’ve wasted so much energy trying to do that in the past.

Instead of worrying about the present it’s just stepping forward and seeing what the future brings.

Tomorrow kicks off a decade of teaching. Another group of kids. Seems like every year is special. Wonder what this year will bring.

I also wonder what life will bring.

I’ve been pretty excited the last few weeks. Life brings the unexpected and it did. I found myself hanging with someone and really enjoying it. Conversations flow, I can be myself, and she is interesting. My friends enjoy hanging out with her and I get the impression that she does also. I find her cute and after hanging a few times I found myself having an interest in wanting to go out to see if there was something more there. Go on some dates. Yes the cliff jumping.

I think she enjoys hanging with me. Appears that way. But that it is it for her and doesn’t expand beyond doing activities like biking. When I asked her out I knew instantly by the reaction that it wasn’t something she wanted asked of her. The whole interaction was kind of bizarre from there on out and left me with some confusion. One of those things where you really feel like you don’t have the full story. The clear cut thing with no doubt though is that she doesn’t want to go on a date.

My friends have the suggestion that I just need to give it some time. With all that has transpired and the circumstances they think that in the future she may have an interest. I did feel that last night. That right now it isn’t the time, but the future may find circumstances different. I think though that might be hope on my part. Maybe hope on my friends part because they want me to be happy.

Today I think the reality kind of sinks in. It just isn’t there for her. she would have had some different stuff to say when I asked her. If it isn’t there now it won’t be in the future. I think that is the reality I need to accept.

Didn’t know what would happen as far as a friendship once I put that out there, but now I’m thinking it will continue based on interacting with her today. Once again though who knows what the future brings.

I’ve found myself in a place where I am ready for a relationship. This seemed to really hold possibility. Just can’t seem to find it. I have an interest or they have an interest, but it isn’t a connection. Life is so confusing.

Very disappointed.

hmmm. Got on tonight to write and wanted to see what my previous post “jumping” had to say since this was the follow up…..

I landed so I was able to publish it. I knew I was going to land. I had no doubt about it. And no matter what it was going to be an okay landing. It was. Unfortunately the judges didn’t see the jump the way I saw it. I didn’t get the outcome that I was hoping for.

Life is definitely interesting. Sometimes I don’t understand it. I guess that is what keeps it interesting.

Sometimes the biggest things need the least things said………….

Sometimes life presents you with the opportunity to take a giant leap. Often the best ones come when you least expect them. It’s coming up to a big giant cliff and looking down at that water below. You don’t know what the outcome will be. The result can be the most exhilirating feeling or it can end up being very painful. If you never take the risk then you won’t ever have that great feeling. You will miss out on an experience because you might never have a chance to return to that cliff.

I think taking this particular leap presents something really good. There are a lot of things that point to it being a successful jump. The thing with jumping is you just don’t have complete control when there are other factors involved.

Time to jump… either way I’m going to land.

So things are good in life….

This year marks a decade of teaching. Thats a long time. Thought crosses my mind that I need to add some kind of adventure or challenge to my life. Maybe do something different next year. Like something temporary. Will ponder through the year. Needs to be a situation where I can pay for my house because I am loving living in this area and am excited to fix up the place. Enjoying life with all the mountain biking, rafting, and hanging out with great people.

Life has a way of catching you when you don’t expect it. So who knows about the above and what it could entail. I just like being in a good place because it seems like possibilities exist. Also when thinking about thinking of trying new things it isn’t running from something like in the past. It’s wanting to move forward to something.

I’m in a really good place and it allows you to look back and I see such foolishness in some of my past. But guess it got me here. There is some embarrasment and disappointment in myself. But it is the past.

Was listening to the sunscreen song tonight. Full of wonderful thoughts and wisdom. Random thought is that I would love to give a commencement speech for something. My subject would be failure. Listing all of the people that have failed, but stuck at it and had success.

Sometimes it’s having to fail over and over until we actually get it.

I heard a song on the radio today from a couple of summers ago. It was a summer of several songs that just had that summer flavor. Doesn’t seem to be that this year. Great songs out right now, but just not that same feeling of a connection with summer. Is it the songs or is it just the place that I’m at.

The trend of stuff breaking continues. My car battery was the latest casuality. I guess it’s a matter of just motoring on.

The word stale jumped to mind the other day. Life just feels stale. I know people think that having the summers off are great, but for me it can be a time of loneliness. I think that is what has really struck me this summer and is currently where I’m at. I’ve been busy hitting the mountain bike and that really helps the mood. The weather has gotten nicer so I’ve rafted quite a bit of late. It’s been great, but just doesn’t have the feel of last Summer. Only a month until school starts.

Saw some old posts jump up today. I wish that sometimes I could just step out of a moment and then take a breath and see it with clarity that time usually brings. That would be perfect. I think back to moments and I’m like how stupid could I have been. Definititely would be nice.

I’m currently working on an assigment. It just isn’t coming together so I brainstormed something different that I could do. That is how I arrived here.

“Clueless or just don’t care? Tired of the last two days being filled with people being inconsiderate to others”. I finally got frustrated today and so had to vent.

Yesterday is was driving on a twisty and windy road following an RV doing 15 and 20 mph under the speed limit. The cars were stacked behind at least 20 deep. Plenty of places to pull over to let the traffic go and state law says if your holding up more than three cars you need to pull over. So that prompted people to pass eight and nine cars at a time. In once instance it nearly led to a head on crash. Finally I got to a long straight stretch and got out of there. Guessing clueless on that one.

Today it was getting gas and there being two pumps and my gas light on. At one a guy getting gas. At the other one a girl that he was talking to who wasn’t even getting gas. She continued to sit there. He got done, looked at me and then went in. It would be one thing to go in and pay, but he either shopped or used the restroom. Could have easily moved his car before doing so. While he was inside she just sat there. He came out and she got out of the car and went inside. I think in this case it was just a case of not caring. That is when I decided to post the above.

Saw that a girl from my High School died this weekend in a boating accident. I had only met her once so I didn’t have a connection to her. I did see lots of posts on Facebook and it really highlighted how much it impacted others. It made me really think a lot lately about how sudden life can change. You just never know.

So the annoyances that accompanied the above two instances really don’t matter in the scheme of life.

So I wrote about all the stuff breaking and the next day my cruiser broke. At least I’m on a trend. So I figured it was time to actually break something that I wanted broken.

So I’m removing the wall between my kitchen and living room. Someday I want to replace the flooring with wood. Creating more of an open space while at the same time giving me more room for a table.

I’ve noticed that all my pics that I had on my blog were lost when my sites wee hacked. At least I’ve started getting all my stuff back up so it feels like I’m making progress.

Had so much to say those last few weeks of school, but was so busy. Now seems like there is nothing. I think it’s because my brain is just kind of in shut down mode.

I was in a mtn bike race this weekend. 3/4′s of the way through my rear derailer broke. I could ride, but shifting was non-existent. It wasn’t great, but I was able to continue the ride…. Up until the chain broke. The race then turned into a biathalon for me. I jogged and walked about 4 to five miles. The race had an interesting finish. You actually had to go across the finish line and do a short loop and then cross again. I got there and asked if I could still finish the race and found out that as long as I was under my own power it would be official. So I grabbed my bike and hiked up to the top of the loop and then rode down. I was a finisher. It would have been fun to have actually not had mechanical issues to see my time, but it was an experience.

The issue of breaking seems to be a common theme in my life of late. I was trying to finish my video project for my students. With 40 discs to burn for their last disc each one would come out in “mute” mode. The video was there, but the sound was gone. I was able to find a fix on the internet, but it was very frustrating. Continuous bicycle flats and a broken mower have continued the trend. Plus it seems like I’m missing something else.

I don’t know what the deal is. It is frustrating, but in the scheme of things it isn’t that big of a deal.

I’m hoping my bad luick of breaking things breaks soon. Let’s hope for a breaking of the breaks.

So sometimes life can be frustrating…..

Burned 40 DVD copies of the plays my students did. Had them all labeled and sent them home. Next day a kid told me that one of the plays had some lines missing. It ended up being four lines that weren’t there. It could have slid, but it did make it harder to understand what was going on. Didn’t fly for me. Spent last night and most of the school day making new ones. Worth it because the kids deserve it. Just hoping that the new ones play okay for them. If not it will be burning another set.

Tonight rode my cruiser on down to the Starbucks to work on our class video. It was a beautiful walk home as my rear tire had a flat. I kind of figured it was going to happen on my way there for a couple of reasons, but pushed on with the fact that i was totally willing to walk home if need be. Not that frustrating because it was a great walk.

Sometimes the most insignificant thing can be one of those meaningful moments in our life. For me it’s where a piece of the past ….. I guess it’s where a piece of the past has found peace. A few unexpected words that totally caught me off guard. Very nice.