The point of this blog was to share fun and exciting things.  I blogged in the past to get through a divorce.   Finally I realized it was time to write about positive things.  I like to write and I wanted to capture fun moments and focus on those.  I like to write and this allows me to.

So Bipolar.  Seems like a sad thing.  But it is a positive story.  It’s about finally finding something to your life.  I look back and I think the depression thing lasted for about twenty years.  I went from a point where I didn’t want to use medication because it felt like it was being weak.  Then it became many years of trying different anti-depressants with not a lot of success. 

It was last February when I was finally diagnosed with bipolar and started a new medication.  It has been life changing.  I think more importantly I have looked back and seen how much I have grown as a person.  Those experiences helped shape me even though they were very rough times. 

It took a long time to get to a place where life wasn’t a huge roller coaster….

• It’s not wrong to take medication.  The chemistry in my head just wasn’t there.
• Life is now healthy. 

I hope that others who struggle find the solution.  It can be life changing for yourself and those around you.

Simple and not so simple.  The subtitle of this post. 

Tonight we had our school Hoe Down.  Basically carnival games, food, basket autctions, jail, sponge throw.  And in a popular return after a year hiatus was the dunk tank. 

I was up last.  So with twilight upon us and a much cooler temperature I climbed up the ladder.  I was greeted by Fischer! Fischer! Fischer! over and over.  Seemed like I was the closing act for the night.  The headliner with the chanting.  It was so much fun.  The kids were so excited.  By the end I was freezing and shaking.  It was neat seeing the kids so excited.  It reinforces the idea of how much you touch their lives and how much you can be a role model in their lives.

It is amazing how life can get so complicated over stuff that really doesn’t need to be.  I see complications around me.  I live with complications.  Some stuff seems so clear and easy, and shouldn’t be hard to fix. 

Last night I was in one of those moods.  Reach out and attempt to reconcile one of those complications around me.  Let a friend know that your there.  Sometimes people need to know that they have someone there will be there for them.   but sometimes you become the target of that complication.  Sometimes you have to take a hit to make something better.  In the long run it is the measure of who you are.   I guess the test is do you think its the best for your friend and are the intentions are clear.  Pretty simple and clear.

Sometimes though it is hard to figure out what is the right thing to do.  You just don’t know the whole situation.  You can’t make an informed decision.  So it is very murky.  It isn’t clear cut.   Do you go with what your mind says or what you feel.  The rational and the emotional aren’t in synch.  I’ve been wrong going with both. 

Last night it was good.  I think it could be a step in fixing a complication.  And though there was a fear that I would become a target I wasn’t.  The other stuff I haven’t figured out yet….

I had a training today with a couple of other teachers from our building.  We had time before we had to be back at school so we stopped for lunch.  Which is so exciting to do.  During the school year it is few opportunities that you get to do that.   I shouldn’t complain though because I have a whole summer to do that.

We ate at Panda express and my fortune was “Your Future Looks Bright”.  I better get the sunglasses ready:)  It reminded me of the other night when I went to dinner with friends at PF Chang’s.  It was fun doing a toast to new spheres and the old sphere. 

We looked at our four fortunes and shared them and realized that none of us had ones that fit us.  It was so much fun to discuss who they went with.  Or maybe the did fit us and we just don’t realize that right now.  Which means I should have some bank coming my way in the near future.

The best part of the day was going back to school and seeing my students in various parts of the cafeteria and having them wave.  It was very cool.

Just hiked up table rock. It’s a nice little hike. Will have to get a pic sometime but the weather isn’t the greatest. It’s great feeling it get easier everytime.

Think I finally figured a lot out. What is going in with me. Think I’ve always known.   When you can voice it to friends and it is so clear that you know the answer.  Part of it you have a deep feeling about and you think you know, but maybe that feeling isn’t true and just comes from something like fear.

So moving on…

I was hiking and was thinking about footsteps. We are constantly taking steps In our lives. There is a direction to it. Some of those steps are dictated by who we are.  We are who we are.   With some we have choices where we can place the steps.

I’ve walked a good path and I can be proud of that. 

Just finished writing and I’m back to the top.  I need someone to write the cliff notes for this post:) 

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young  -Everyone Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

I love that song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ Full of wisdom and advice.  You look back and your like that makes so much sense why didn’t I see it back then?  That’s life I guess. 

The friendship sentiment made me think of that song after thinking about your post Shawn:  http://www.brianfischer74.com/blog/?p=28#comments  Your the second commenter on here.  Snow you have been there since blog 1.0.  I stole the number thing:)  Your are both geographically far away, but you are both close friends.  It doesn’t hurt that your both full of wisdom:)

So your comment made me think a lot.  Enough to trigger the above and a lot of it felt like a new post.

Totally agree with you.  Running away isn’t going to solve anything.  And you should see the running shoes I have gone through in my lifetime.  No wonder I did so well in the mile without practicing:)  Location is location and what is going on inside(location) will travel with you.  Location isn’t going to take it away.  And even though I have gotten better I still have the tendancy to want to run.  To escape the situation.  It’s not a way to solve problems in life.  I so get that.

And to continue our discussions of different perspectives and opinions that we used to have over spilled bbq sauce:)  Sometimes a change of location is good.   It gives us a different perspective and lets us see things differently.   It may be a chance to allow myself to grow and tackle new things.  I like accomplishing new things in life.  I think its about proving something to myself.

I’m at a loss at trying to explain it all.  So lets go streaming.  I think in a way I have proven that I can be a good teacher.  Today was an awesome day of teaching in so many ways and reminded me of how I’m very talented at it. 

Tomorrow night is open house where the parents come in.  It was a real learning experience.  I showed the kids the powerpoint that I was going to show the parents.  Talked about how I should practice.  I practiced. Then we went through it and they gave feedback.  I’m like this is how life works. 

It was their turn later in the day to work on their presentations.  They need to learn about the symbols of Idaho.  Instead of just reading about them in the book, I have the kids researching and creating presentations.  I told them I would pubish them on our class website and they think its cool that other fourth graders could see it so they want to make them cool.  It’s not just the facts it’s learning how to do things in life.   They already have some very cool powerpoints started.  I’m having a very postive impact. 

The best moment today was when I was practicing and the kids were like smile more.  So I just started doing this over the top smiling.  Over the top is an understatement.  The kids just lost it and couldn’t stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I love that about teaching! It was awesome.  So many of those things happen. 

So I don’t know what is going on with me.  I love interacting with the students and having that impact on them.  It is an amazing experience.    But a lot of things associated with the profession have become a drudgery.  Maybe that is it.  I see some of our duties as pointless so I don’t care about them.  It is such a confliction for someone that wants to excel in everything.

I think if I could step out of this location(perspective wise and not physically) it would help solve it.  If I try to step back, I say to myself I need to tackle new challenges.  I love the feeling of succeeding.  I want that in life.  attempting new things and proving to myself that I can do it.  I kind of do that each and every day with the teaching.  I’m still smiling about today which shows that I enjoy it.

Well its just not coming tonight.  i start having thoughts that are overtaken by other thoughts.  None of them coming to conclusion.  I think that is the general theme of late.  I find it interesting that I don’t think I should teach next year, but I’m writing about how it was such a great day.   How I think about all of the funny things that have happened in the last few weeks.  How the kids are so excited.  I somehow need to find a location(perspective) where I can sort out what is really going on. 

I think it has to do with the whole picture.  I think it can best be described by U2 with “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.   The key being “what I’m looking for”.  I think I know the asnwer to that.  It’s just trying to figure out how to get that and be happy along the journey.   I don’t know the answers to that and will have to be patient and figure that out along the way.

So I really didn’t answer what I set out to say so to try again….

We always take all of ourself for the journey.  No matter where we go everything that we are is there.  But sometime a change in location gives us new perspectives and insights.  However, maybe it isn’t a physical(geographical) location, but a shift in perspective and epxeriences(time).  

So your probably right with your comment about geography.  And the rest is a bit of a jumble right now so I cannot write.  I just know it’s great having such wonderful friends along for the journey despite this whole geography concept:)

Que the Chariots of Fire music.  I had visions of running across the beach with that music playing. 

Today was the mile run for my students in P.E.  They asked if I would run it so not to turn down some “fun” I headed out.  Of course since I wasn’t prepared I was wearing my doc martins and slacks.  Not the best for running.  At least I had a polo on and not a dress shirt today.

Sure I heard some questioning on whether I was going to make it or not.  I think there may have been a pool or side betting going on if I would even survive:)    After Mr. Satterfiield gave some advice on how to pace ourselves like the tortoise and the hair, we were ready to begin.

Mr. F running barefooted and in slacks was probably a pretty entertaining site.  I definitely kept my pace.  Out of thirty kids it wasn’t long before there were about 10 kids in front of me.  Slow and steady wins the race.  so I maintained and tried to avoid the heart attack that probably would have been a bit tramatic for the kids.  Hey no math in the afternoon at least:)

I made it.  8 minutes and 12 seconds.  I think I could have done better but I didn’t want to push it to the point of puking.  that wouldn’t have gone over well.  And for those kids with doubts I finished second in the class.  The top kid ran a 7 42 mile. 

So in the spring I think I can easily break into the 7′s.  S I want to really improve.  A minute improvement would be great.  Next time I’m gunning for first.  Someone might just have to miss P.e. that day to do some extra work.  Don’t mess with the teacher:)

The kids were pretty excited.  A couple of them came in and said they were bragging about me.  So it was fun.

So I heard about the player at sharis restaurant. And that player happens to be me.

A friend and I went to sharis for breakfast to catch up on life. The old guy next to us starts talking to her “I see that guy In here all the time and it’s a different girl everytime”

We had a good laugh over that. I’m definitely not a player. And if I was I don’t think I would be taking the ladies to sharis all the time.

Or maybe I have split personalities and I don’t even know about my sharis experience:). He sure seemed to know.

When I was a sixth grader I remember our principal walked into our classroom and announced that the Space Shuttle had blown up.  2001 found me with a classroom full of 6th graders that were struggling with comprehending the events of that tragic day.  So many questions to answer.   I wonder if that event will always be a memory that they will carry with them.  I’m sure it will be.

So jump 7 years today and I’m with my fourth graders.  The flag at half mast.  An evacuation drill planned for the day where we were to leave campus.  The day had a strange feeling to it. 

About a third of the thirty kids had heard about the events of that day.  They were only two or three.  It just struck me how I had lived that history.  It will always be a powerful memory.  I’ve always enjoyed history.

On 9/11/01 I witnessed history happening.  It was such an impressionable and emotional day.  I take another event such as the JFK assasination.  I’m at a loss of words on how to describe it.  But I look at it and it must have been such an emotional time.  I think the thing that strikes me is I will never trully know what the experience was like.  It left me thinking about the history that these kids will witness in their lifetime.  Fascinating. 

321- Pretty close to the number of kids I will have taught at the end of this year.  Doesn’t even include coaching sports before college, during, and while being a sixth grade teacher.  It is a lot of kids.  I know that for almost all of them I have touched their lifes in a very positive way.  When you meet college aged kids and they still talk about that year and how great it was you know.  There have been a few that it’s been the opposite. 

The above is probably one out of two numbers in this that have huge signifcance in my life. 

11-  The number of months until I have no income.  I have told my principal that I will not be back next year.  It is only fair to myself and the kids.  What will I do?  I have no clue.  But I need to find something else.  I the words of U2 “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.  In the past I would have stressed about not knowing.  With life I’ve learned to just live for the day. 

1- The number of times I actually surfed this year for an extended period of time.  There is nothing more frustrating than learning something and then not being able to do it.  last summer it happened.  This year it just wasn’t there.  Probably the last day of the season and I wasn’t going to do it.  Then I saw the sunlight glistening off of the waves.  I just felt it.  After a couple of times I finally got it.  It was peaceful.

198- My current wait.  About 32 pounds from the max that I was.  The lowest weight I have been in at least 5 years.  Probably 7-8 years.

The most significant number of all is     one