There’s some things we don’t talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we don’t know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before
-The Fray

Never. To put a question mark or not……………………

Tell them I’m through, “for love of the game”.

That line comes from the movie For Love of the Game. The pitcher who is pitching a perfect game is faced with a decision throughout the game; he can either retire after a long career or he will be traded to another team. It’s a team that he has been with forever. And within that he is making a bigger choice in life. To be with someone or not. He eventually writes the above on the ball.

I haven’t seen that movie for a long time, but that line has recently ran through my head. Why?

Tonight five of my current students were in a jump competition along with former students. At the end of the competition a mom took a picture of me with her two daughters holding their ribbons and trophy. They both gave me hugs and were so glad that I was there. And if you have read the last post your probably jumping to the conclusion that they were appreciative of being inspired by my own jump roping expertise. Not so much. The thing is I’m a part of their life. They work after school sometimes on school stuff and they say it’s better when I’m there. You see all your student’s grow up and your a part of that. It is powerful.

So no I’m not done with the teaching. I wrote about that in the past. Somedays I am but we all have days like that. It does take a toll but then you have moments that fill you back up. I diverged from the topic but it does flow back into it eventually. Kind of like that pop flowing across the gym floor (last post).

So what am I done with? Part of the past. I’ve learned a lot of things over time. A new thing that really resonates is that when a person keeps claiming something over and over then you might as well put up the red flag and run it up the pole. I’ve found over and over when people keep saying something repeatedly it’s like putting wrapping around something. You have to say it over and over so that it doesn’t get little tears in it where you can see through it. I’ve done the same thing in my life. It’s just something that really stands out to me.

I haven’t written much lately. Thoughts of just walking away and leaving this as is has crossed my mind. Thoughts of unpublishing have visited. I’ve enjoyed writing tonight. I think it is because this blog became a source of getting through some difficult times. And once those are gone it has been like I don’t need to write to get through something. Yet it started with a whole different intention than that. And I think of my last few posts and it has returned to that.

I feel like a lot of my past problems are gone. The struggles with the depression. It wll always be a part of me, but it’s just not the same anymore. The loneliness used to consume me and cause me to be sad. There was a bit of sadness when I got in the car and started driving home. I had just been surrounded by people that I knew. I would have loved to be driving home with someone or heading home to meet someone. Or just texting with someone. It’s just me.

It’s different though. It’s thinking of students up in the stands waving at you and excited when you wave back. It’s thoughts of upcoming things with friends. It’s seeing family tomorrow. I used to look upon the completion of fun things as sad. Now it’s the thought that there will be more things like that. Instead of focusing on the past I look towards tomorrow..

I’m through with today. And tomorrow is another day. It will be filled with many things….

Tonight I sat on a high school gym floor and was cheered by over 700 people. My game was on. I was en fuego! It was nice of kids from all over our school district to come and jump rope so we could show off our clicker pressing skills. Good thing those kids really jump fast so that my talent could really be put on show. I’m sure words and thoughts such as heroic and breathtaking ran through the crowd. It was a night where I was in the zone. Didn’t even break a sweat and the thumb was on autopilot. I think I was just born with the talent.

Another natural talent I have is being smooth with the ladies. I was smooth like butter……in 1991 for one week of my life. I think the universe did a major shift that week becuase it was the meeting of six girls and hanging out with them. It turned into dating one for all of two days before dumping her. People were teasing me for dating her so I had to let her ago. Later I realized it wasn’t because of dating her, but just the shock that I was dating. Ever since then I think the butter has melted into a gobbly goop. Definitiely not smooth. The Universe that was fabulous forgot to take me along with it.

About 8 schools come to the competition. I don’t know for sure exactly because that requires counting to quite a big number. I do know that each school has 16 competitors. Um, I mean counting material for the clicker atheletes. So a girl that I went out not to long ago was there. She was counting in the group next to me. So about 8 feet away. Once again starting to getting into those big numbers so give or take a few feet. Sure enough the smoothness just flowed. Well the coke of the lady that was sitting next to me flowed once I dumped it over. That just seems to naturally happen around cute girls. I trully am gifted in that area.

So from somewhere in the crowd my friend was texting me. “Hey that girl sitting next to you is cute.” “Find out if she is single.” Yes she was cute. And turns out she remembered me because she told me that we had sat together the year before. It was like the clicking…I was on fire. She would laugh at my little comments. She would do the little hand pats. It was butter. That rich creamy kind that is so smooth. People were probably up in the stands taking notes on the free flowing charm. They probably wished I had one of those in game microphones on me. The words spoken would be repeated for years to come. So the fact that I was so charismatic tells you the answer if she was single or not. You probably already figured that out early on in the paragraph. When she left she told me that she would see me on the same day and same place next year. I make that kind of impression…

I’m like one of those athletes that has the ability, but just doesn’t have it for some reason. The head games are impacting them. I’m not playing head games with myself, but somewhere my talent for blundering comes out in front of cute girls.

When it comes to butter though I am smooth. You should see how I can spread that stuff on toast.

Farewell.

I just watched the series finale of the tv show Nip/Tuck. It causes a touch of sadness and triggers those thoughts that make you ponder. Why? Maybe it’s because it has been something that has been with you for so long. You see how much the characters have changed and not changed. You see the events of their lives. Your witness to it. Should that have an impact on us since it’s fiction and a tv show? Probably not.

Maybe it should. Even though it is something of inconsequence it has been a part of your life. You are saying farewell to something that has been there. Can I connect events in my life to it. Not really with the exception of starting it. My ex-wife had the dvd set for season one and got me hooked. That’s about all I can remember on how it has connected to my life. That seems like a lifetime ago. And it’s not about saying goodbye to that. It’s simply saying goodbye to just a little inconsequential piece of my life.

Just moved me to write. Maybe it stikes a bigger feeling. I think it’s the feeling that all things must come to an end at some point……

That can be good and that can be bad depending on what it is.